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Single Parent Thoughts  

secret_lade 49F
14127 posts
2/20/2020 7:12 pm
Single Parent Thoughts


I'm feeling bothered tonight....

There are times when I really wish I could give my everything. The latest tech gadgets, the most trendy clothing, the coolest experiences....

But, I can't.

Don't get me wrong, they get a lot. Even as I sit here typing this my spawn is wearing a $17 Nike headband and asking me if I like her gold earrings that her dad bought her.

She definitely doesn't go without....

But, there are times, like earlier tonight, that I just wish I could do more.

We were leaving the gym and she was asking me if I saw the who was on the treadmill. I didn't notice her, but it didn't really matter, because I didn't like the conversation that was about to take place.

My spawn was waiting for me to get done, sitting on the couch, listening to something on her phone with the ear buds that came with her phone.

This was not a cheap phone, I'm the one with the cheap phone, she's got an Iphone.

Well, the that was on the treadmill had apparently been wearing air pods and looked at my spawn and smirked at her...

We all know the smirk.

The smirk that says look at you, you poor white trash, listening to your music on 'wired' ear buds.

I immediately felt crushed.

I apologized to her.... And told her I wished I could do more sometimes.

I'll never forget her defiant little response back to me.

"Mom, it's ok! She's just a rich . I'm much more popular. Besides, we're tough and independent."

I knew then, I must be doing something right. Tough and independent.... I say this a lot.

We're tough and independent, we take care of ourselves!

But, it sure would be nice if stuff like that didn't make me feel like such a terrible Mom.

KX450F2016 55M
193 posts
2/23/2020 8:51 am

All you can do is the best you can. It sounds like your "spawn" is happy with what she has. Tough and independent is great!


easy_going2014 57M
14366 posts
2/21/2020 9:20 pm

thanks for sharing

it is always the thought that counts

I can remember the mistakes that I made

and, life goes on

reminded me of this

Buju Banton - "Single Parent"

Consider, how she make it to the end of the day
Working so hard just to get paid
As a single parent life ain't easy
Playing the role of mom and dad
Consider, how she make it to the end of the day
Working so hard just to get paid
As a single parent life is ain't easy
Playing the role of mom and dad
Woman I thank you, thank you oh Mama Mama
I never know no father yet you provide my dinner
And I love you, oh Mama
When you cry I cry too
Why do you look so dull and forsaken
I know that he's gone and your heart is broken
But we are still together
Mama never leave us alone at home, no

To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog:

Good luck!!!


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
2/21/2020 3:36 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    I didn't have time to comment when I first read this as I had to take my daughter to work. But it gave me an opportunity....

    My child was only 9 when we lost her dad. While I could make ends meet, there was very little left over for 'stuff'. As a teen, if my daughter wanted something like concert tickets or tattoos or a simple hair dye - she had to pay for it herself. So I asked her this morning if she felt anger, jealousy, envy, resentment … any of those negative things a kid might feel about lack of money for 'stuff'. She easily told me 'No" She said it taught her to evaluate if something was really worth the money - and the work involved in earning it. She's now 26 and can budget better than most people her age who had everything handed to them growing up.

    Put aside those guilty feelings.
Thank you so much for taking the time to ask, and coming back to comment. I very much appreciate hearing your daughters thoughts and hearing how well she turned out. Part of the reason I posted this was to get some input from outside eyes.... I have read each comment, and taken them all to heart. It's tough for me to see beyond emotion, at times. I need that outside set of eyes to voice some reason.


pagancountrygirl 66F
6466 posts
2/21/2020 3:03 pm

Your spawn is fed, clothed and loved by two parents, even if those parents aren't together. She may not have everything she wants, but she has something a lot of the rich kids often don't have...parents that pay attention to them and love them.
It cracks me up that you call her "spawn". lol I used to work with a woman who had 2 girls that she called her "toads". Those two "toads" were her pride and joy.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
2/21/2020 8:56 am

I didn't have time to comment when I first read this as I had to take my daughter to work. But it gave me an opportunity....

My child was only 9 when we lost her dad. While I could make ends meet, there was very little left over for 'stuff'. As a teen, if my daughter wanted something like concert tickets or tattoos or a simple hair dye - she had to pay for it herself. So I asked her this morning if she felt anger, jealousy, envy, resentment … any of those negative things a kid might feel about lack of money for 'stuff'. She easily told me 'No" She said it taught her to evaluate if something was really worth the money - and the work involved in earning it. She's now 26 and can budget better than most people her age who had everything handed to them growing up.

Put aside those guilty feelings.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


1bighammer1000 58M
4304 posts
2/21/2020 5:56 am

It's not just with kids, adults try the same thing. I farm for a living, by myself, meaning I don't rely on the bank. I have everything paid off and am 100% against going into debt for anything. I have friends who try to tell me I need to buy newer equipment, newer tractors, trucks the whole nine yards. I saw many friends in my life that the banks made more profit from their farms than they did. I am building a new shop and house at this time and paying cash for all of it. I feel being out of debt, and not caring what others have or think has been one of the best things I have done with my life. It leaves a person with a peaceful feeling about life.

Anything worth doing is worth doing right


BretPat1972 51M
32 posts
2/21/2020 5:43 am

When you have a child that seems to have everything, just make sure they are grounded in as many life lessons you can share. Keep up the good work!


jolielaide 52F  
1754 posts
2/21/2020 5:01 am

spoiled, uppity, bougie bitch. fuck the treadmill girl! HATE those wireless pods or whatever they're called, just an opinion but they look ridiculous to me. nothing wrong with going old-school


mc_justmc 63M

2/21/2020 4:39 am

Between me and the other G-parents, the G-girls get pretty much everything they want.


fun4u25333 60M  
90 posts
2/21/2020 3:34 am

keep up the good work MOM, I sure like your way of thinking and I wish more parents thought that way. we all want to give our children more than we had and that's a good thing.


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
2/21/2020 3:25 am

"We're tough and independent"? That's a weird statement from a kid... you might want to ask her why she feels she has to be "Tough".

"Independent" , I understand. The way marriages are failing and people [men] are losing interest in "Getting married", a teenage female would be smart to find a profession or vocation.


wanna4playU 56M  
265 posts
2/21/2020 2:24 am

kids are smart and know! and, as long as she has things she NEEDS, she already shows more appreciation for the luxury items, so yes, you are doing something right...and your daughter sounds like a bright child!


japaneseass 56F  
50231 posts
2/21/2020 1:22 am

i went though the same thing with my daughter. my ex decided to hide from us, after divorce, and won't pay a dime for her child support...

i tell yah...i cried...for not being able to give her what she WANTS...iPod/iPhone, designer prom dresses and shoes, designer handbags...a brand new car to drive in to school....i am not finding fault on her being wanting...fuck i wanted it, too...lol

but kiddo will understand when they grow up...in the end, it doesn't matter...there are people always have more, better stuff...and there are also less unfortunate ones...life is not a competition...

your daughter already knows that, by being tough and independent...you raised a smart girl...very good job...

mine is 25 now...about 10 years from the time i cried...she got married last year, to the same boy who went to the prom together, in a Chinese knock-off designer prom dress...she is a teacher, he is a doctor....they just bought a property and building a new house now...


pytimesx 64M
988 posts
2/21/2020 12:39 am

Two major problems here. "I wish and I felt". But they're yours and you own them both - try not to impose them on the most impressionable.

Even the latest greatest toys are not going to do any of them any better than being taught common sense and attention to detail. You may have mistepped on both but she still maintained some sense of reality without your emotional impressions.

Mistepped because you had that conversation in the first place. My own kids would have walked up and said "you got a problem". Not in the sense of aggression but in their own ability to intellectually smack down the punks they'll meet and have to deal with every day. The conversations have been quit different leading into the attention of detail and my admiration of their own common sense.

Honestly, all the gadgets you'd like to be able to provide have not been a benefit tot he last two generations who can't count change without a computer....


ThaMahsheen 38M
16 posts
2/20/2020 11:30 pm

You do what you can. I know out feels like you're not doing enough bit those people whose parents buy them everything cheat their children out of respect for earning what you have. Rock on single mom


ltrskr 75M

2/20/2020 11:13 pm

How many times do u see the wealthy child that is worth nothing!
They all seem to end up in politics..........

Sounds like ur doing good, the fact that ur concerned says a whole lot about you!!!
God Bless!


backpocket13 50M
9007 posts
2/20/2020 10:58 pm

Hey Darlin,
..........Being a kid is tough,.........Unless you Me, There is Absolutely Positively No Way that This is adulthood!..........I Flat Out Refuse to believe it!.............
Sinfully Yours, backpocket13


dayzeeme 55F
7024 posts
2/20/2020 8:28 pm

Momma, I think it sounds like you are definitely doing a great job with your daughter if she can make that comment. We all want better for our kids, but I think she has a level head and sometimes not giving everything is the best thing we can do.


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