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Settling the great nerd debate  

40Deuce 46M
4633 posts
11/23/2018 8:21 am

Last Read:
11/27/2018 4:54 pm

Settling the great nerd debate


Some people out there love the Back to the Future franchise , so much so that some claim that it is the best movie trilogy ever . Which is obviously insane . The first back to the future was okay , the sequels were weak-ass . But nevertheless I am here today to settle the number one controversy about the film . In BTF2 Doc explains how a different timeline has been created by Biff and his sports Almanac - but then the whole different timeline thing is immediately ignored and they go "back" to the way things were . But really they didn't . And that's the point .

We are living in the original timeline , they are not . Want proof ? Jaws 19 was supposed to be released on October 15th 2015 and it wasn't - not in this timeline anyway .

Solved . The end .

I travel to other timelines sometimes just to watch movies . Here's the rest of the franchise if you're curious .

Jaw$ (1988 ): Matt Hooper tries to stop shark hunting in Southeast Asia but finds himself at the mercy of relentless South Korean businessmen . Directed by Oliver Stone .

Jaws 6 (1989): Bruce is hired to protect a party boat . Notable for the 30 minute sex scene which was edited just enough to give the film an R rating .

Jaws 7 (1990): Sharks have hacked into the Internet with the help of Somalian pirates and Nigerian princes . The sharks are betrayed and with the help of a scientist , the sharks launch a massive counter-attack with the aid of cybernetic organisms .

Jaws 8 (1993): Terror comes to Tel Aviv as a field test of Japanese robotic sharks goes haywire . Notable for setting up the climactic showdown of Godzilla vs. Jaws , featuring Mechagodzilla .

Jaws 9 (1995): Chief Brody's grandson assembles a team of superhuman shark hunters to take down an old enemy . Directed by John Woo .

Jaws 10 (1996): Bruce the shark combats another hidden sea creature within the depths of the waters with the authorities trying to eliminate both creatures' existence . Hailed as critics to be one of the better sequels of the franchise along with Jaws 2 . Directed by James Cameron .

Jaws 11 (1997): A joint NASA-ESA mission to Europa takes a turn for the worse when a sentient race of sharks is discovered underneath the ice moon . Directed by Paul Verhoeven who went on to direct a faithful adaptation of Starship Troopers .

Jaws 12 (1998 ): The prequel, showing the early days of Quint and the fateful voyage of the USS Indianapolis . Intended to be Michael Bay's big debut as a director but the critical flop caused him to sink away to being a music video director .

Jaws 12, Part 2 (1998 ): A tiger shark is terrorizing the coast of Havana , with Quint being the only one who can stop it . Notable for being Roger Corman's final film before he quit Hollywood .

Jaws 14 (2000): Bruce the shark gives up his man-hunting ways when he meets a female hammerhead shark . Directed by little-known LA playwright Tommy Wiseau .

Jaws 15 (2001): A Russian shark named Ivan Sharkovsky is brought to New York for a showdown with Bruce . Oscar-winning script from Bryan Singer . Critics hail this sequel as the "second best Jaws movie out there".

Jaws 16 (2003): Bruce the shark terrorizes the sewers of New York City in an attempt to stalk and hunt down Jon Brody . The film is notable for taking references from the 1989 horror flick "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan". The underperformance of the film ended up killing the career of Matthew Broderick (like he killed those people in Ireland) and put the franchise on ice for eight years .

Jaws 17: Fifty Scales of Grey (2011): Bruce begins an intimate relationship with a naive college student . Portions of the film were adapted from the erotic novel , "Fifty Shades of Grey" which would adapted in 2015 by the same studio , Universal Pictures .

Jaws Origins (2014): The Reboot, winning back audiences with stunning realism and Oscar-winning performances from Chris Pratt as Brody , Jennifer Lawrence as Hooper , and Michael Keaton as Quint . Directed by The Coen Brothers and Robert Rodriguez , though there is a lot of controversy over who should get directing credit .

Jaws 19: The oceans are disappearing due to Koch-Trump International's greed . The sharks join forces with their human allies to take back their home , culminating in an epic battle involving submarines .

Numerous spin-offs were released as well including Godzilla vs. Jaws , a crossover episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and the Jaws Christmas Special .

Fads come and go by definition , remember fidget spinners ? Of course not , that's the point . But there's a fad from my childhood that's worth revisiting - Big Johnson t-shirts . When I was in junior high these things were everywhere . And we have to ask ourselves - why were parents buying these things for their ? Maybe some of them "didn't get it" but it wasn't a subtle subversive commentary , it was pretty clear what the deal was . And yet somehow everyone decided that these shirts were totally fine for . I know in my school it got to the point where they were banned for a while but the parents went crazy and there were threats of a lawsuit and the ban was lifted . What the heck was going on ?

In case you have forgotten here's some of the classic "Big Johnson" apparel from back in the day -

Big Johnson ATVs - She'll love it on all fours
Big Johnson Bar and Casino - Liquor up front , Poker in the rear
Big Johnson Fire Department - Break out your hose and pumper
Big Johnson Tequila - Lick , suck and swallow , never mind the salty taste

One fun thing I like to do is image for a lady out there what guys she might encounter that are worse then me . And I think a good one is a dude that not only still has Big Johnson t-shirts but collects and displays them - and is VERY obsessed about the rare ones that he doesn't have yet .

"Sorry babe , I can't go to your cousin's wedding this weekend , I'm driving to Carbondale to meet this dude who's going to sell me a first printing Big Johnson Landscaping for 500 bucks ."

Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


40Deuce 46M
5725 posts
11/23/2018 8:24 am

In 1995, Big Johnson became part of a United States Constitution First Amendment case when a gift shop proprietor at the National Fire Academy in Emmitsburg , Maryland was forced by a U.S. District Court ruling to take sexually suggestive T-shirts and cards out of his store , which was located in a federal building . The proprietor sought an injunction against the U.S. Fire Administration . A few months after the ruling , the case was settled with the gift shop being granted expanded space in exchange for surrendering the right to sell the offending materials .

In 2014, the Big Johnson brand was licensed to Seaboard Traders of South Carolina under the brand BigJohnsonClassics . New designs are being added and the original designs are being recreated , based on customer demand .

Customer demand .

They're out there people .

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


VenusRedux2 49F
557 posts
11/23/2018 9:19 am

In this alternate world, mankind hasn't ruined the environment so much that freak sharknados don't break out in random places? I thought sharknados were a universal inevitability regardless of timeline.


40Deuce replies on 11/24/2018 11:53 am:
Bruce is the ecological balance to the Sharknado - if we don't blow him up he drains off all the excess shark energy that forms the nados

superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
11/23/2018 10:36 am

I never heard of the Big Johnson 'craze'. The things I've missed being a generation older than you. Darn!

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


40Deuce replies on 11/24/2018 11:53 am:
What was the annoying craze of your youth ?

superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
11/24/2018 2:42 pm

"What was the annoying craze of your youth ?"

Troll dolls and Days of the Week underpants!

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


40Deuce replies on 11/25/2018 10:36 am:
Day of the week underwear ? That was a real thing ?

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