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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
We're going to need a bigger toaster
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We're going to need a bigger toaster [post 4108437] For (almost) four long years the challenge has gone unbidden . But no more ! I 40deuce shall rise to the challenge of all rivals . I don't know what kind of fancy-ass toaster SBJ has with TEN levels on it . Mine only has five so that's what I'm doing . Deal with it .  I've learned that people in "the lifestyle" get very upset at people like me about what is or isn't "kink" so this is NOT a toaster metaphor for kinkiness , it's a toaster metaphor for freakiness . What's the difference ? Exactly . I doubt anyone would really get offended by this BUT just in case keep in mind who this is coming from . So it's obviously hetero-centric and whatnot . I wouldn't presume to know what the gay community considers freaky . Not seriously anyway , I mean obviously I would as a "bit" . Which would be offensive also but it's okay if it's humor . Not toasted – Some folk would call this vanilla but that’s because they don’t realize how rare and awesome vanilla was for most of human history . FYI Vanilla and Chocolate both came from the New World , before that people only had strawberry ice cream . Also there was no ice cream there was plague . Also the king banged your wife and there was nothing you could do about it . This level is “normal” sexual practices . Depending on where you’re from and what you believe in oral may or may not be at the level or the next one up . Level 1 – Basically just warm bread . There may be the slightest amount of browning . At this level maybe you leave the lights on sometimes . Maybe you own a black bra (if a woman , as a man that’s a higher level) . Maybe sometimes you do it other places than in bed . Perhaps you’ve sexted a time or two . Level 2 – Lightly toasted , but noticeable toasted . Butter will melt but not immediately . This is where the butt comes in . Mild roleplaying . Food play perhaps . Vibrators and dildos maybe , but not the really freaky toys . This is about as far as you’ll see sex portrayed on the TV and in movies , except the butt stuff of course which is the love that shall not be named , unless you’re talking about HBO – it’s not porn it’s HBO . Handcuffs and other low level bondage items – the kind of 50 Shades stuff that “real” BDSM people would sneer at . Level 3 – Toasted This is probably where most Fuckbook Of Sex types are , or at least think/want to be . This is where other people start getting involved , threesomes , swinging , sex parties , that sort of thing . Toys that you don’t find the “average” nightstand make an appearance , nipple clamps , butt plugs , shackles , lucha masks , etc. This is the level of car blowjobs (which is very dangerous BTW) and sex in public but not while being observed . In depth roleplaying , things of that nature . This is the level where people of my ilk start saying “whoa , that seems like a lot of effort” . This is where the “real” but “light’ BDSM lives . Level 4 – Blackened but not burned This is where things start getting freaky . This is where you have “a scene” . If you’re posting videos of yourself banging this is probably your level . This is where the heavy stuff BDSM wise comes in . One time , IN REAL LIFE , I saw a dude strapped to a thing getting kicked repeatedly in the dick – both people involved in that scenario as this toasted . If you’re ever traveled somewhere for a gathering of like- minded people you’re here . Level 5 – Burned Anything goes . So called vanilla sex does nothing for you . Sex in public with people watching , gang-bangs , gloryhole stuff , immersive roleplay , cuckolding , submarines , the spas ace shuttle , etc. At this level when you have to get off things have to be organized in advance – there’s construction involved . It’s a big deal . On Fire  At this level you’re completely jaded . Things have to get really insane for you to feel aroused . Shark play , wasp play , Jesusing , reincarnate soul sex orgies . Things that don’t even exist need to get involved – space creatures , minotaurs , eldritch beings from beyond space and time . If you can only orgasm by shapeshifting into a bear and getting it on with a dragon on the top of a pyramid this is where you are . If you can only get aroused if the former president of Pakistan is watching you this is where you are . If you have to be in the eye of a hurricane to get hard this is where you are . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Now that I'm in IT I find myself making toaster analogies . People often say something like "why doesn't the computer know (blank) ?" and that's because the computer doesn't "know" anything . It's no different from putting a stack of cash in a toaster and pushing the plunger (Is that what that thing is ? ) down and then getting mad when your money burns up . Only one thing happens when you do that , if you didn't want your money burned up don't do that . Computers are more complicated of course but it's the same principal . You do X and Y happens . The end . And yes , we could build intro the toaster that sensors that can detect bread and only engage the heating unit when they do - but then you're adding a level of complexity to the toaster that's going to make it coast more up front and require more maintenance and someone is going to have to calibrate the sensor and you're going to need wireless updates from the bread database and if you want bagel sensors that's going to have to be a separate program and don't even get me started on Hot Pockets and cloud hosting isn't cheap and . . . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Solid effort. I would say I'm somewhere in the toasted to blackened range (depending on which phase of the last 13 years we're talking about) . Which is ironic because I hate black toast.  
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Gee, you kids today. You gotta abbreviate everything. First it's chat speak then it's only 5 toaster settings. The toaster I grew up with had sliding settings - one for heat and one for duration. Actually way more than 10 permutations. But thank you - you ran with it and did a much better job this lightly toasted lady could! Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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